Story Maker

Jokes by STORY MAKER

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شیر کی شادی تھی ، جنگل کے سبھی جانور شامل تھے ، ہر جانور نے شیر  کے رعب کی وجہ سے ایک فاصلہ قائم رکھا ہوا تھا۔
اچانک ایک چوہا حال میں داخل ہوا اور سیدھا سٹیج پر جڑھ کر شیر کو مبارک دینے پہنچ گیا ۔
شیر کو بھی بہت حیرانی ہوئی ، شیر نے پوچھا کہ یہاں ہر جانور ایک فاصلہ رکھ کر بیٹھا ہے ، تم نے کیا جرات کی ہے ؟
چوہے نے جو جواب دیا ،وہ سن کر شیر کا بھی رنگ ایک دفعہ تو فق ہی ہو گیا
وہ جواب کیا تھا؟
وہ جواب تھا! چھڈ یار ، میں بھی شادی سے پہلے شیر ہی تھا 

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پٹھان کے ‏3 بچے ہوئے نام رکھا :

حسرت خان
حرکت خان
برکت خان


پھر ‏3 اور ہوئے نام رکھا :

دریا خان
سمندر خان
سیلاب خان


پھر ‏3 اور ہوۓ بیوی نے نام رکهے :

بس کر خان
ہوش کر خان
رحم کر خان‎

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At a wine merchant, the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.  A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came in to apply for the position. The director of the winery wondered how to send him away.  He gave him a glass to drink.  The drunk tried it and said: "It's a Muscat , three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade, but acceptable.” "That's correct", said the boss.  Another glass.... "It's a cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees. Requires three more years for finest results." "Correct." A third glass... ''It's a pinot blanc champagne, high grade and exclusive,'' calmly said the drunk. The director was astonished. He winked at his secretary, secretly suggesting something. She left the room, and came back in with a glass of urine. The alcoholic tried it. It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant - and if I don't get the job, I'll name the father." 

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1 مرغی کا رشتہ
کوے سے ھو گیا.

مرغا اس کے پاس آیا
اور بولا مجھ میں کیا
کمی تھی?
کوے سے زیادہ
خوبصورت ھوں.
پورے محلے میں
میری آواز
گونجتی ھے .
اپنی یونین کا
بادشاہ ھوں
اور تمھارے
خاندان کا ھوں"
تو مرغی شرما
کر بولیi
"بس وہ امی ابو
کی خواھش تھی
کے لڑکا پائلٹ
ھونا چاهۓ:

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لڑکیوں کی شادیاں عموماً حادثوں کی وجہ سے ہی وقوع پذیر ہوتی ہیں مثلاً ....
حادثاتی طور پر گول روٹی بن گئی تو شادی کر دو ....??
فیل ھو گئیں تو شادی کردو ...?
اچانک oسے اچھا رشتہ آ گیا تو شادی کر دو ..?
محلے کا کوئی لڑکا دروازے کے باہر کھڑا ھو گیا تو شادی کردو .. (چاھے وہ فری وائی فائی کے چکر میں کھڑا ھو ) ..??.
اگر لڑکی منگنی شدہ ھے تو لڑکے کا بھائی سعودیہ سے آرہا ہے تو شادی کر دو ..?.
خاندان میں کوئی بیمار ھو جائے تو شادی کر دو ...?
بھابھی سے لڑائی ھو جائے تو شادی کر دو ... ?
گویا لڑکی نہ ہوئی کوئی لکی کمیٹی ہو گئی جب نکل آئے شادی کردو

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ایک بار ایک بوڑھے انکل اپنی بوڑھی بیوی کیلئے برا لینے گئے ۔ 
دوکاندار: کیا سائز ہے انکل ؟؟
بوڑھا انکل : سائز کا تو پتا نہیں پر ہاتھ میں پکڑوں تو انڈہ اور چھوڑ دوں تو آملیٹ بن جاتے ہیں ۔

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لڑکی اپنی ماں سے : آپ کے زمانے میں عورتوں کے دس دس بچے کیسے ہو جاتے تھے؟

لڑکی کی ماں : ہمارے زمانے میں لوڑا منہ میں ڈالنے کا رواج نہیں تھا_

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What women would do if they had a penis for a day
10. Get ahead faster in corporate America.
9. Get a blow job.
8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat.
7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.
6. Determine WHY you can't hit the bowl consistently.
5. Find out what it's like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.
4. Touch yourself in public without thought as to how improper it may seem.
3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks.
2. Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction which occurs between a man's eyes and the ruler situated next to his member which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement.
1. Repeat number 9......

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Check your Dirty IQ!

Questions:

1. When I go in I might cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole. What am I?

2. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?

3. I'm spread before I'm eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes like to lick my nuts. What am I?

4. I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard . What am I?

5. All day long it's in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I?

6. I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When You blow me you feel good. What am I?

7. If I miss, I hit your bush. It's my job to stuff your box. When I come, it's news. What am I?

8. I offer protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your fingers to get me off. What am I?

9. I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me. I'm called a big swinger. What am I?

10. I'm at least 6 inches long. I leave foamy lubrication when engaged in my job. What am I?

Answers:

1. a dentist
2. a wedding ring
3. peanut butter
4. chewing gum
5. an elevator
6. a nose
7. a newspaper boy
8. a glove
9. a crane
10.a toothbrush, of course!

Now Really! Just what were you thinking?

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Maths Lesson

A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read:

"Dear wife, You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight, Your Husband"

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:

"Dear Husband, You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this, I will be at the Hotel Inn with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up, your wife"

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A student asks the professor:

A student asks the professor:
"May I leave the lecture? I have tonsillitis."
After the lecture when going home the professor sees the "sick" student walking with a cool girl. The professor calls the student and says:
"My dear, with such a tonsillitis you should be in bed."

 

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